I told my trainer that I’d like to lose weight, but I want to keep it on for emergencies!
I lost weight the same way I lost my keys: It disappeared when I wasnt looking!
My favorite workout is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch!
The only weight Ive lost is the weight of all my bad decisions.
Running late counts as exercise, right?
I have a love-hate relationship with salads. They love me, but I hate them!
Im not losing weight; Im getting rid of my unwanted guests!
I decided to start a diet, but Im on the See Food diet: I see food, and I eat it!
If you think exercise is boring, try running from your problems!
Ive never met a pizza I didnt want to lose weight with!
I joined a gym and lost the membership card!
Im on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat itwhos judging?
Weight loss tip: Buy smaller clothing sizesthey magically make you look thinner!
I was going to lose weight, but I got distracted by my pizza!
Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
My fitness coach told me to do lunges; the first step is always a doozy!
I tried counting calories, but then I lost track of how many cookies I had!
If we werent meant to snack at midnight, why is there a light in the fridge?
I wanted to lose weight, but that donut was calling my name too loudly!
Im in shape. Round is a shape, right?
I plan on running a marathon to the fridge!
They say laughter burns calories. Guess Im on the fast track to fitness!
I dont sweat; I sparkleespecially around snack time!
I thought about losing weight, but then I remembered how good fries taste!
Every bite I take brings me closer to the finishing line of this donut!
I have a six-pack; its just hiding under my one-pack!
Im not saying Im on a diet, but I do avoid food thats been good in my life!
You cant make everyone happy, but you can make them cookies!
The only time I run is when Im being chased by pizza!
My doctor told me to watch my eating, so now I watch others eat!
I thought about exercising, but then I thought ‘900 calories cant be wrong!’
Id join the gym, but I dont want to pay someone to make me uncomfortable!
Id go for a jog but Id rather get a slice of pie!
Ive decided to stop chasing after goals. Instead, Im going to engage in a meaningful relationship with muffins!
My go-to workout is running late for brunch with friends!
I lost track of my diet, but I found a whole cake instead!
Calories are like people: some you want to keep, and some youd rather not meet!
I keep trying to lose weight, but its like my scale has commitment issues!
Id run a marathon if I could do it with a side of fries!
I dont need a clock; I have a donut to tell me when its time to eat!
Instead of losing weight, Im just gaining muscle in all the right places like my belly!
My goal isnt losing weight; its to fit into my favorite pair of sweatpants!
Im on a strict diet: caffeine in the morning, carbs in the afternoon, and desserts at night!
Every time I go on a diet, I find more reasons to celebrate!
Id lose weight if I could just get my fridge to stop calling me!
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