Funny Quotes That Perfectly Describe Me

Funny Quotes That Perfectly Describe Me part 1

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I’m not short, I’m fun-sized!

My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.

I put the pro in procrastination.

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

I’m just a cupcake in a world full of muffins.

My brain is like the internet: full of tabs, but not much bandwidth.

I finally found my inner peace… and it’s just taking a nap.

I’m the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

Funny Quotes That Perfectly Describe Me part 2

I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just on an adventure with gravity.

My hobbies include eating and complaining that I’m getting fat.

I was going to take over the world, but I overslept.

I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.

I work well under pressure… but not so well when there’s no pressure.

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget all at once.

I can’t remember the last time I did something for the first time.

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.

Funny Quotes That Perfectly Describe Me part 3

I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Confused dictionary at home.

I don’t sweat, I sparkle!

I’m not late; I’m just early for tomorrow.

I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee.

I may be a handful, but at least you’ve got two hands.

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.

If I was a vegetable, I’d be a couch potato.

I’m like a software update: whenever I feel like I’m improving, I tend to crash.

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

I put the ‘elation’ in ‘public humiliation.’

Funny Quotes That Perfectly Describe Me part 4

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy.

I’m in shape. Round is a shape, right?

My personality is like a software update; you never know what you’re going to get.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I told my therapist about my imaginary friends, and now they’re all in therapy, too.

I’m not anti-social; I’m just pro-solitude.

My goal this week is to move just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.

I’m not a morning person; I’m more of a coffee person.

If life gives you lemons, add vodka!

Funny Quotes That Perfectly Describe Me part 5

I’m like a broken pencil: pointless, but still sharp.

I don’t need therapy. I just need to go to the beach.

I put fun in dysfunctional.

I’ve got a great sense of humor – on the internet.

I’m not a chef; I just microwave like a master!