Hilarious Quotes for Grown-Ups – Embrace the Humor of Adulthood! part 1
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you.
I can’t remember if I’m 27 or
It’s been a great decade!
If you think you’re too old to be silly, you’re wrong!
I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.
I don’t need to play hide and seek. I can hide in my own creaky bones.
They say laughter is the best medicine. I guess that makes me a doctor!
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Hilarious Quotes for Grown-Ups – Embrace the Humor of Adulthood! part 2
I wish I could be the person my dog thinks I am.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch!
I may be a terrible cook, but I can definitely microwave like a pro!
I asked my computer for a joke. It froze.
I don’t need an alarm clock. My kids scream at me!
Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice!
My beer belly is a sign of a happy life.
I’m not a ‘steps’ person. I prefer ‘sipping’ in the right direction.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut.
I finally found a way to lose weight: I just stopped weighing myself!
Hilarious Quotes for Grown-Ups – Embrace the Humor of Adulthood! part 3
Wine is my spirit animal!
My favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills!
They say you are what you eat, so I guess I’m fast, cheap, and easy!
I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic.
I told my friends about my plans to quit drinking. They laughed, then we had a toast!
Keep the dream alive! Hit the snooze button!
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
I finally understand why old people quietly smile at each other—it’s the jokes they can’t share!
The best part about being my age? I can lie about it!
I’m not old, I’m retro!
Hilarious Quotes for Grown-Ups – Embrace the Humor of Adulthood! part 4
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will get this.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring, so I go back to being me.
They say don’t try this at home… so I’m coming over to your place!
I don’t make mistakes; I create learning opportunities!
I’m in shape. Round is a shape, right?
If I were a superhero, my power would be napping.
I finally understand why I have a hard time waking up—my bed and I are just too comfortable together.
I want to be like a fine wine—better with age and hard to find!
I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time!
Hilarious Quotes for Grown-Ups – Embrace the Humor of Adulthood! part 5
My phone battery lasts longer than my New Year’s resolutions.
I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!
I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life!
Not all who wander are lost; some are just looking for coffee.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
