Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything part 1
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me coffee ads.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me.
Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything part 2
I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
The only thing I know is that I know nothing… and that’s a lot!
If life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world wondering how you did it.
I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode.
Why do we call it ‘rush hour’ when nothing moves?
I finally found my soulmate; it’s a muffin.
I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying anywhere.
If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything part 3
I’m not short; I’m concentrated awesome.
When nothing goes right, go left.
I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.
They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I didn’t fall, I just found a new way to stand.
Sometimes I wonder if my life is just an episode of a poorly-written sitcom.
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today; that’s like, four days in a row now.
I’m like a butterfly—pretty to see, but hard to catch!
If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. I need a restart.
Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything part 4
I love deadlines; I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I have a new theory about inertia, but I just can’t seem to get it off the ground.
If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I’m on a whiskey diet; I’ve lost three days already.
A clear conscience is often the sign of a bad memory.
Sometimes I pretend to be a grown-up, but I’m really just a big kid at heart.
If we aren’t supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?
Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything part 5
I’ve learned that while I can’t control the world, I can control how much chocolate I have.
The best things in life are free; the second best are very expensive.
I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity; it’s impossible to put down!
If you think I’m kidding, just wait until I’m serious.
