Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything

Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything part 1

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me coffee ads.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me.

Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything part 2

I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

The only thing I know is that I know nothing… and that’s a lot!

If life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world wondering how you did it.

I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode.

Why do we call it ‘rush hour’ when nothing moves?

I finally found my soulmate; it’s a muffin.

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying anywhere.

If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything part 3

I’m not short; I’m concentrated awesome.

When nothing goes right, go left.

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I didn’t fall, I just found a new way to stand.

Sometimes I wonder if my life is just an episode of a poorly-written sitcom.

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today; that’s like, four days in a row now.

I’m like a butterfly—pretty to see, but hard to catch!

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. I need a restart.

Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything part 4

I love deadlines; I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

I have a new theory about inertia, but I just can’t seem to get it off the ground.

If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

I’m on a whiskey diet; I’ve lost three days already.

A clear conscience is often the sign of a bad memory.

Sometimes I pretend to be a grown-up, but I’m really just a big kid at heart.

If we aren’t supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?

Hilariously Dumb Quotes That Will Make You Question Everything part 5

I’ve learned that while I can’t control the world, I can control how much chocolate I have.

The best things in life are free; the second best are very expensive.

I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity; it’s impossible to put down!

If you think I’m kidding, just wait until I’m serious.