I didn’t choose the football life, the football life chose memostly because I cant kick a ball straight!
Why did the football team go to the bank? To get their quarterback!
If a goal is scored in an empty stadium, does it make a sound? Yes, it sounds like my mother yelling at the TV!
The only time I can tackle my problems is when I’m playing football!
Football is the only place where its acceptable to shout at a referee without getting a restraining order.
Every great football player was once a kid who kicked a ball against the wall and hit the neighbors window!
Why was the football stadium so cool? Because it was filled with fans!
Im on a seafood diet. I see food, and I watch football!
Ive got a friend whos a huge soccer fan. He thinks a red card is just a way to spice up the game!
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team? Because she kept running away from the ball!
I love playing football, but Im still waiting for my golden boot or at least a sponsorship from a pizza place!
I wish I was as good at football as my dog is at fetching!
The referees favorite movie? The Sound of Silence especially after a bad call!
Football is just like butter; it spreads happiness all over the field!
Why do football players do well in school? Because they know how to tackle every subject!
The only time I score is when I accidentally walk into a bar!
Why dont grasshoppers make good football players? Theyd rather play cricket!
I told my friend Id meet him on the pitch turns out he thought I meant a camping one!
Why did the football player bring string to the game? To tie the score!
Soccer players are always getting kicked out, but the rest of us just call it Monday!
I finally found a football player who cant divehis name is Flat Sam!
Why do soccer players take so long to change clothes? Because they dont want to get caught with their shorts down!
I once got a red card in a game of monopoly, does that count?
Why did the football team break up? They lost their spark after too many missed goals!
Soccer is a game of two halves, and Im still stuck in the wrong one!
Im not clumsy, I just make football look like a dance-off!
Why dont football players ever get hot? Because they have a ton of fans!
If scoring a goal is an art, then Im Picassojust a bit confused with all my angles!
My coach said I need to work on my diving, but I think Im just allergic to water!
Why do soccer players always carry a pencil? In case they need to draw a penalty!
I wanted to be a football star, but my only talent is scoring pizza!
What do you call a dinosaur that loves football? A spectator-rex!
Why do football players make terrible friends? They always leave you on the bench!
They say the best defense is a good offense. I say the best offense is a pizza delivery!
Whats a football players favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat!
Why dont soccer players get lost? Because they always follow the goalposts!
Football: the only place where you can kick something and still be considered a gentleman!
Whats a football player’s favorite drink? Pen-alty iced tea!
I thought I’d be a great goalkeeper, but then I remembered I cant catch a cold!
In football, its not about winning; its about how many selfies you can take on the field!
If scoring goals was a degree, Id still be trying to enroll!
Why did the football player go to art school? To learn how to draw fouls!
The secret to football is simple: always look for the nearest pizza place!
What do football players and comedians have in common? They both love a good opening act!
Why did the football team bring a ladder? To reach their goals!
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