I would never compete in a sport where I have to wear a helmet. I prefer my brain unprotected when it comes to making bad decisions!
Running: because punching people is frowned upon!
I told my coach I couldn’t do cardio, and he said, ‘Just keep pretending to chase your dreams!’
If you think I run fast, you should see me when there’s pizza at the finish line!
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch I call it lunch.
I play tennis because it’s a great way to avoid talking to people for two hours!
I tried yoga once. The only thing I mastered was the art of falling over gracefully.
Golf is a game where you yell ‘fore’, shoot six, and write down five.
I swim like a fish… that just realized it forgot how to swim!
Soccer is a great way to get exercise; its just running with the added challenge of avoiding getting kicked in the shins!
My coach told me to push my limits; now Im just pushing the snack table.
Baseball is like chess on grass, with more yelling and fewer pawns.
They say laughter is the best medicine, unless you’re playing a sport then, it’s usually just a broken bone.
I only run when chased and even then, I probably need a snack break.
Cheerleading: the only sport where you can be out of breath from yelling at someone else!
I dont do push-ups; I just rest on the floor in a position that looks athletic.
My kind of balance is not falling off the couch while watching sports.
In golf, every time I hit the ball its a miracle. I consider myself a miracle worker!
The only time I hit the gym is when Im checking out the vending machine.
I prefer my track and field events to be conducted in the form of a snack relay.
Fencing: the art of whacking someone without anyone catching you!
Why run a marathon when you can binge-watch one instead?
If swimming is so good for your body, why do I feel like a soggy pancake when I get out?
Basketball really brings my vertical leap back down to earth about two inches!
I like sports because they let me wear comfortable clothes while pretending to exert energy.
Wrestling: the only sport where you can hug someone while simultaneously trying to pin them to the ground!
My favorite winter sport is watching other people fall down while skiing.
The only thing I stretch is my patience waiting for the pizza to arrive during game day!
Im on a seafood diet: I see food, and I eat it especially during games!
I dont need a personal trainer; I just need someone to throw a ball at me!
My golf game is like my dating life full of missed opportunities!
Volleyball: the only sport where you can get praised for giving someone a face full of sand!
I tried playing badminton once, but I think Im just meant to be a shuttlecock fan.
Ice skating should come with a warning: ‘Dont look graceful unless youre in a movie.’
The only sport Im serious about is eating hot dogs at baseball games.
I do pilates just kidding, I mean I pilfer snacks while watching.
They say practice makes perfect; Im just perfecting my couch-sitting skills.
The only time I dont mind running is when Im sprinting for the last donut.
Being on a sports team is fun until you realize it’s just another name for ‘yelling at each other in unison.’
My body is a temple; unfortunately, its also a fast-food joint.
I love sports that require me to sit and cheer, preferably with snacks!
If only my energy level matched my enthusiasm for semester finals and sport matches!
You call it a workout; I call it an elaborate excuse to eat cake afterward.
If laughter is the best medicine, then my running time just needs a good comedian.
Why follow the rules in a sport when breaking them can be so much more entertaining?
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