Laugh Out Loud – The Funniest Quotes by Mark Twain

Laugh Out Loud – The Funniest Quotes by Mark Twain part 1

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Laugh Out Loud – The Funniest Quotes by Mark Twain part 2

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.

A person who won’t read has no advantage over a person who can’t read.

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.

There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Laugh Out Loud – The Funniest Quotes by Mark Twain part 3

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government when it deserves it.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

The best way to predict your future is to create it.

The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.

You can’t depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

Laugh Out Loud – The Funniest Quotes by Mark Twain part 4

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

There are basically two types of people: people who are in their own worlds, and people who are trying to figure out how to make theirs.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.

Actions speak louder than words, but not nearly as often.

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain’t so.

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.

Laugh Out Loud – The Funniest Quotes by Mark Twain part 5

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.

The man who knows he has enough is rich.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.