Savage Petty Quotes That Will Make You Laugh and cringe

Savage Petty Quotes That Will Make You Laugh and cringe part 1

I’m not bossy, I’m just aggressively helpful.

I don’t need your approval; I have a mirror.

I’m not here to fit into your world; I’m here to create my own.

I’m not a backup plan, and definitely not a second choice.

I’m like a software update; I come out when you least expect it.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

Expectation is the root of all disappointment; welcome to my life!

Not everyone gets a trophy; some people get a lesson.

I’m on a seafood diet; I see food and I eat it — just like your excuses.

Savage Petty Quotes That Will Make You Laugh and cringe part 2

I’m not ignoring you; I’m just prioritizing my happiness.

Your secrets are always safe with me; I never listen when you talk.

You remind me of a penny; two-faced and not worth much.

I’d call you a clown, but that would imply you bring joy.

If laughter is the best medicine, your life must be a placebo.

You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.

I’m not sassy; I’m just fluent in sarcasm.

You don’t need a parachute to skydive; you need a parachute to skydive twice.

I’d say bless your heart, but I’d rather bless my own sanity.

I’m not heartless; I just learned how to use my heart less.

Savage Petty Quotes That Will Make You Laugh and cringe part 3

Your opinion is like a broken pencil: pointless.

I’ve got a good heart but this mouth…

Your face makes my happy place sad.

I’m not a morning person; I’m a coffee person who encountered you too soon.

I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.

You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid.

I’m not short; I’m just more down to earth than you.

You’re like a software bug; constantly causing problems but never getting fixed.

You call it being petty; I call it being selective.

I’d say you’re as sharp as a marble, but that would be an insult to marbles.

Savage Petty Quotes That Will Make You Laugh and cringe part 4

I’m not sarcastic; I’m just speaking fluent ‘you.’

You’re like a slinky; not really good for much, but you bring a smile when you fall down the stairs.

If you were any more basic, you’d be a default setting.

What’s it like being a walking episode of ‘How Not To’?

Are you always this stupid, or is today a special occasion?

I’m not unapproachable; I’m just protected by sarcasm.

If you took a leap of faith, you’d probably land in a puddle.

You’re living proof that even a broken clock is right twice a day.

I’d call you an idiot, but that would be an insult to all stupid people.

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out something smarter than you.

Savage Petty Quotes That Will Make You Laugh and cringe part 5

You’ve got the right to remain silent; just don’t take it for granted.

You’re like a lion without teeth; all roar, no bite.

Your hair looks like it’s gone through a wind tunnel.

Embrace the glorious mess that you are — but don’t expect a standing ovation.

You’re not a disaster; you’re just an unexpected plot twist.