I can’t wait to hang out with my friends until they leave me.
There’s no such thing as laughter that isn’t also filled with a tiny bit of dread.
Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet; no one really knows how.
Im not a career person; Im a job person.
Theres something about the academic calendar that feels very much like the worlds longest high school reunion.
My favorite thing about New York is theres no prairie.
Ive never had a bad time at a party that was hosted by my friend.
Why do I have to make small talk when Im not small?
I love the part of my childhood where I was a glowing angel just running around.
High school is like a movie where the characters laugh, but you know theyre crying inside.
The best thing about a parent is that they dont have to be experts; they just have to try.
I approach every day like a new adventure, filled with mild disappointment.
Its always a good idea to tell someone that you love them right before the argument.
Life is basically an endless series of awkward moments strung together by brief laughs.
A true feeling of nostalgia is when you look at an old photo and feel nothing but the weight of regret.
Kids are fascinating because they literally have no filter; they say what we all think.
Being on stage is like being the only one in a room full of people speaking a different language.
I enjoy the feeling of being uncomfortable; its like an acid wash for the soul.
Expectations are just disappointments waiting to happen.
Having a pet is like being responsible for a tiny, furry roommate who’s always more fun.
Family gatherings are a great reminder that you always have a safe word.
I love when someone says, ‘Lets do something spontaneous’ right before their entire plan falls apart.
The moment you leave school, you realize that the people you thought were strange were just ahead of their time.
Getting older is just realizing you dont know anything at all.
Sometimes you just have to embrace the chaos and give up on neatness.
Part of me believes that everyone is a little insane, just in different ways.
Life is too short to apologize for your quirks.
Any meal is good as long as there’s a dessert involved.
When I think about adulthood, I realize Im still just a kid with a bigger credit card.
People are perpetually stuck in a series of sitcom episodes, and none of them are funny.
Growth is realizing your emo phase never really went away.
Is there anything worse than realizing youve been talking to yourself in public?
All hobbies are basically excuses to stare at your phone for hours while pretending to do something.
Yesterdays funny is todays embarrassing.
Life is a comedy show starring you, and the world is the audience.
Theres nothing quite like the thrill of lying down at 9 PM and feeling like a rebel.
Everyone secretly wants to be the main character in their own story.
In relationships, the key is learning to laugh about the chaos together.
Being good at adulting is just knowing which pants fit that day.
Its never too late to be glad you didnt text that person.
Going to the dentist feels like taking your car to the mechanic without wanting to know whats wrong.
Why is it so hard to be serious for more than a minute?
Learning to cook is just a vast reservoir of burnt offerings.
Friends are just family that you get to choose, whether you like it or not.
Every time someone says ‘adulting,’ a millennial dies a little inside.
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