Witty Wisdom – Exploring the Timeless Quotes of Groucho Marx part 1
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
I’ve had a wonderful experience. I’m sure I’ll have it again.
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
I’ve never wanted to be a part of a club that would have me as a member.
A woman is an occasional amusement, but a man is a permanent headache.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
If you’re going to be a bear, be a grizzly.
Witty Wisdom – Exploring the Timeless Quotes of Groucho Marx part 2
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
I must confess, I’ve never heard a word you’ve said.
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I’d rather dance with the cows when you come home.
The only thing I like better than talking about myself is talking about myself.
I don’t have a photograph; I’m not a dog.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
From the moment I picked your book up until the moment I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend on reading it.
I didn’t like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions—the curtain was up.
Witty Wisdom – Exploring the Timeless Quotes of Groucho Marx part 3
There’s a fine line between a long-winded speech and a hostage situation.
I’ve got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
I am not a member of any organized political party; I am a Democrat.
I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence.
You can’t fool all the people all the time, but you can fool some of the people some of the time.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
I didn’t realize it was so funny until I saw it in print.
I’ve got the world on a string; it’s the string that’s got me.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Witty Wisdom – Exploring the Timeless Quotes of Groucho Marx part 4
The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. And maybe a few laughs.
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.
I have a mind to join a club and start a riot.
I’m not arguing with you, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
It’s better to be funny than to be right.
I realized that I was so self-effacing in my youth I could barely be seen.
A good joke is a great way to introduce a bad idea.
Witty Wisdom – Exploring the Timeless Quotes of Groucho Marx part 5
I always keep my ideas to myself. They say I’m too secretive.
I consider myself a philosopher. I say therefore I am… and I am laughing!
If I had a dollar for every time I had a great idea, I would be broke.
An elephant in the room is worth two in the bush.
The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that aren’t so.
