Witty Wisdom – The Best Smart Ass Quotes to Brighten Your Day

Witty Wisdom – The Best Smart Ass Quotes to Brighten Your Day part 1

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

I didn’t say I was the best, I just said I was better than you.

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

Your face makes my beer taste bad.

I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Witty Wisdom – The Best Smart Ass Quotes to Brighten Your Day part 2

You can’t be late until you show up.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.

I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

I don’t need a therapist; I have my smart remarks.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

You must be made of copper and tellurium because you’re Cu-Te.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.

I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.

Witty Wisdom – The Best Smart Ass Quotes to Brighten Your Day part 3

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.

Out of my mind—back in five minutes.

You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.

I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze.

I’ve got a photographic memory; too bad I forgot to bring the camera.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not you.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

I didn’t fail the test; I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Witty Wisdom – The Best Smart Ass Quotes to Brighten Your Day part 4

My sarcasm is the only thing keeping me sane.

Some days you’re the statue, other days you’re the pigeon.

If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.

I’m not a morning person; I’m a coffee person.

Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.

You were born to be real, not to be perfect.

I don’t play hide and seek; I play ‘don’t look for me’.

I’m usually a patient person, but I’m not a saint.

My brain has too many tabs open.

Witty Wisdom – The Best Smart Ass Quotes to Brighten Your Day part 5

If only you could put your face in airplane mode.

When nothing goes right, go left.

You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’

I’m not arguing; I’m just passionately expressing my viewpoint.

I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?